ClevelandWeirdness prose

On the Edge of Life, Part 3

(Note: Read Part 1 for the genesis of this serial novel. You should probably read Parts 1 & 2 first anyway, but I suppose you don't have to. I mean, it's weird enough to stand on its own. )

Damn snow. All this slosh gathered around Towercity is colored in pinks and blues. Why the hell anyone would want to color their salt I'll never know. Hmm, Josh says it might be so they know where they've salted already. Could be. The pink snow makes me think of the Cat in the Hat, and all those damn Things A through Z running around batting the pink stain around the yard… wait- where was I. Oh yeah, Josh is one of the security guys at Towercity. It's not high-risk enough for him, it's just a gig until he gets on the police force. He's already passed the selection exam, and it looks pretty promising for him. I know what you're thinking. I don't seem the kinda guy who has a cop wanna-be for a best friend. Well, to that I say 'fuck you'- but you probably guessed I'd say that. Then again, I'm predictably unpredictable…so you're mom's an assfunk too. But I digress. Josh has high expectations of the Cleveland PD. He fully expects them to send him into a firefight. That's just Josh though. He prays daily for a stray bullet. Where as I pray that said stray ordinance hits the guy next to him, and I'm there to watch.

I just met Josh getting off work a few minutes ago. We're gonna head down Euclid and pick up some grub at Sushi 86, or whatever the hell it's called. Some number that means 'throw-it away in restaurant speak. Hehe, the owner's wife told me that- I thought it was pretty ironic at the time. Whatever the number means, they make some damn good sushi. As we stand waiting for the light, I hear a car coming- fast. Some yo-yo late for a meeting, ya see it all the time. I frown. Josh looks up and sees the sedan coming on- he starts grinning ear to ear and looks ready to leap. I know he won't, but he does give me pause…at any rate, the car flies by us without event. Josh's face drops instantly into a frown. Life misses him again. Seconds later we hear the tell tale sound of squealing tires. I smile and yell, "Boom!" Josh smacks me to get me to stop jumping up and down. Man, that truck really tagged that car. Serves him right going that fast through downtown. Fuck there's pieces of BMW everywhere! We both walk towards the street, past the lookers on and the standard gawkers. I say standard cause me and Josh are two of the world's best gawkers. We both want a piece of the action. I want to bask in turmoil, and Josh wants to get set on fire. We both have our reasons.

Josh walks right over to the car and rips open the driver's door. I saunter around the back to where the truck sits drunkenly on the BMW. The driver of the rig is shaking his head as if stunned- probably is, probably smacked his noggin on the steering wheel. I hear Josh ask the suit how he is. He then bends into the vehicle and hauls the guy out. I flick open what's left of the gas cover and notice the plug itself is still intact…ah those glorious fumes. I'm pushed slightly aside as the trucker opens his door and practically falls out. I pull him to his feet and slam the door shut. I grin, "Ya think she's gonna blow?" and point to the growing puddle on the ground by his truck. His eyes go wide. "It's pretty likely don't ya think?" Bill, at least that's what's sewn in bright blue letters on his shirt pocket, shrugs his arm out of my grasp and hoofs it for the sidewalk. Coward. I go back around to see how Josh is faring.

"Can you walk?"
"Not my fault." The guy mumbles.
"Can you walk?" He throws the guys arm over his shoulder anyway.
"I didn't see him."
"The light was red moron." I had to get my two cents in, "It was totally your fault!"
Josh grins, "Shutup dude."
"Not my fault." The guy was shaking his head back and forth.
"Yeah pal, nothing's ever a suit's fault. Pig." I wonder how often he browbeats his secretary.

We start walking the pig towards the crowd on the sidewalk. A girl in a beat-up leather coat and spikey blue hair meets us about halfway. Josh starts up from her feet, "Hey lady get back! You wanna fuckin' die?" He gets to her face and locks up, the word 'die' fading out from his throat. Oh dear god, now is not the time. I can almost hear the twang of cupids bow, an invisible arrow has firmly embedded itself in Josh's head. I take this opportunity to sway to my left and tag the suit in one of his kidney's. He moans. "Think she'll blow?" she asks Josh while grinning like the Cheshire cat himself. "I dunno….I…" he stammers. From behind me I hear a click, and a whoosh. "Time to go!" I grab the guy's other arm and start pulling.

Josh glances back over his shoulder, then back at the girl. He twists around for one more look, knowing what he's about to give up, then stops resisting my pulling and helps drag the suit toward the sidewalk. On his way by he curls his arm around the girl's waste and practically picks her up. The four of us get within a foot of the concrete when the blast hits us. I hear myself shouting "BOOM!"

I wake up. I seem to do a lot of sleeping on sidewalks. I push pig-boy off of me, just as someone else is pulling him up. I glance over and see Josh on his back. His arms draped around the blue haired chick that is lying on top of him. They begin to stir as people try to help them up. A few pairs of hands are tugging me as well. I watch as their eyes meet, the electricity coming off them is amazing…even to me.
"Hi, I'm Nell." Rhymes with Hell.
"I…I'm Josh."
God help us all.


Go on to part 4

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